What does it take…

To become a host of a ‘dial-in’ TV show?

A very useful question, you guys would say (though with more than a tinge of sarcasm). But I am forced to think about this as I get to watch channels like Sun Music, SS Music et al.

Please note that I am purely going by what I see and hear in the above mentioned channels! So, if there are other VJs who don’t ‘measure up’ to the standards below, it is completely their mistake and not mine.

Enough of my deliberations, let me get into the details as to what I think that are UTTERLY necessary to become a VJ...
1. An interesting (read ‘weird’) way of addressing people. Like - ‘Hai Hai’, ‘Hhhhuullllhho’ or just ‘Hmmm tell me…”.

2. An ill-fitting dress. The dress should either be 2 sizes smaller or 4 sizes bigger than your normal size.

3. Speak at least 2 languages (say Tamil and English). Preferably talk both the languages at the same time – and that too in every sentence you speak!

4. Ladies don’t have to worry about physical looks. Forget about the word ’figure’ – you don’t even need to have a pleasant face. Gents don’t even have to think about it! Who is going watch you talk anyways.

5. Should be able to shake/twist your head for every 3 word one speaks (all thanks to ‘Pepsi’ Uma, this (bad) habit has really caught on).

6. Speak continuously without meaning much and of course without thinking much. How else can one stretch 5 songs (all played only half) in a 30 minute program!

7. Ask the same dumb and dead question again and again and again to every person who dials in! And expect a ‘drastically‘ different answer from every body.

Now that I have figured out what it takes to be the host, I am just thinking about what it would take to be one those intelligent souls who dial-in to these shows!